7 Words Concepts

What makes the world a better place are qualities like warmth, gentleness, understanding, clarity and honesty.
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Consider this...

"Conscience is the chamber of justice."

7 Words Works!

How?

The 7 Words System is defined by the idea that in all the complexity of human relationships, there are only seven core gestures of communication; they are encapsulated by the 7 primary words and accessed by 28 keywords.

These 7 archetypes of expression are the essential themes within all things—they convey the necessary stages that healthy exchanges go through because they are the foundation of all thoughts, ideas and behaviours. By deepening our understanding of these fundamentals, we can come to clarity, truth and completion in all our dealings.

Of all the tips that are offered on the secret of enjoying a good long-term healthy relationship, perhaps the least well-received relates to taking more personal responsibility. Our partner is not there to ‘make it better’, that’s Mum’s job when we’re young. Nor is our partner there to look after our emotional security or pay the bills or to be available for casual sex or to cook meals or protect us from harm. Isn’t it great when they do these things! But really there is a deeper essential purpose well beyond these things in value.

Partners are there to reflect the truth of who we really are. Face up to this and we’re well on the way to happiness. If we learn to allow what happens and see it as a reflection of who we are rather than who they are—then a great breakthrough can occur that most certainly will have a major contribution to success and contentment in all areas of life.

Benefits can be gained from applying 7 Words in all the following areas and many other aspects of seeking and living in loving relationships:

•         Individual identity
•         Opening up to new ideas about oneself and others
•         Appreciating your partner
•         Making decisions together
•         Joint visions and ventures
•         Apologising
•         Staying excited and enthusiastic

Here is the fundamental suggestion behind 7 Words—that there are seven basic qualities of life experience, which can be described by 7 primary words:

Can we see that these seven simple words are enough to codify all of life? They are among the first words we learn in childhood and yet they are not understood or used particularly well, despite their simplicity. By renewing our focus upon these primary words we can simplify and deepen our attitudes to how and with whom we choose to live.

It’s naïve to think of a relationship without some degree of separation between the couple—each person has to be true to themselves lest they be overwhelmed and eventually become resentful. It’s better to deal with this openly and honestly—to set our boundary markers and speak clearly about where they are. It’s okay to say No when it’s appropriate, even to a loved one—in fact this can be a higher expression of love.

There seems to be some idea going around that to refuse a lover is unloving. It’s total nonsense. We can't stop being who we are just to please someone else, and actually we can't stop being who we are for any other reason either. You're you. It's true to say that we can change, and in fact we do nothing else because life is change; and yet there are limits. These limits need to be identified and asserted because above all, we must be authentic; we must be true to ourselves.

 To say No is fundamentally important if we are to develop and preserve self-respect, and therefore to learn how to show respect to another too. It can be said gently, with words of explanation and empathy, yet this is not the primary factor. The main thing is that No is said firmly, clearly, consistently and with strength of character. Early is better than late too. As soon as things are pointing in the direction that is outside our limits—we need to speak up, otherwise we might risk offending our partner by having to be harsh later—or worse, we may entirely lose our ability to refuse. No is good. It can always be relaxed when time has eased defences, but it's a lot harder to win back ground that has already been surrendered. The keywords are Boundaries, Identity, Choice, and Truth. 

Boundaries
Respect is the key to a successful relationship, and this begins with self-respect. With self-respect we are more likely to let others into our life fully and without creating defensive barriers. Yet without it there is likely to be abuse and the closing-down that follows. We need to be clear about the activities we’re comfortable with, and firm about the things that we just cannot accept. Being assertive about our needs and wishes may be scary, but it is important if we want a connection built on openness and honesty. In order to stop people from invading our boundaries, we need the strength to say No. If we can’t find this, people will disrespect our needs and wishes, and we may feel confined in situations that we really don’t want to be in. By learning to recognise and assert our own needs and desires with greater emphasis, we can build an inner strength, which somehow is noticed by others and tells of our clear boundaries.

A good place to start is by making small changes to develop assertiveness within the context of the partnership. We learn to communicate our needs clearly, gently and early on, so lines can be drawn—allowing the relationship to develop out of an authentic position in which both partners respect each other. Also we learn to meet our own needs and nurture our own feelings—because if we are mature, we can’t really expect anyone else to do it for us. By taking small steps to assert our needs and confront our fears, we are planting a seed of strength. This seed will grow and blossom, strengthening the partnership connection in truth and enabling a deeper level of concern for one another.

If you have enjoyed this brief summary of the first keyword - Boundaries - of the first of the 7 Words - No - and would like to know more about how it can be applied in detail to improve relationships and other aspects of life in general...

..further information and suggestions are available in the form of free questionnaires reports, eBooks, and other study material..

...and for even more detailed explanations and examples of 7 Words applications, try the workbook: 7 Words Principles and Practices.